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Police Raid Ziggy And Dogfighting

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Ziggy , a beloved member of our community, has been arrested. Reports from the LSPD confirm that there was an extreme bias by law enforcement who state that kids are on drugs, and poor people are criminals. Ziggy, a veteran of the Vietnam war, had been abandoned by his country to live a life of poverty after the war. This hero, down on his luck, found a living in the distribution of a legal recreational substance. His mistake? Not paying his taxes. Police Chief Dummy Thick stated that marijuana kills, and destroys families. A typical response from a police officer that wears jeans and sneakers on duty. Afterward, the question is raised to Police Chief Dummy Thick about aggressive police dogs in the city where he refused to comment.  “Attack Dogs Use: UNKNOWN. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. ” ATTENTION! Bill Burns is in search of the clitoris. We ask everyone to stay on HIGH ALERT until he has found the lost clitoris. He does not know the last known location of said clitoris. The only des...
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MugShot Monday

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By Frasier MacLeod, Cub Reporter This week's winner of the prestigious Mugshot Monday contest was actually one of the easiest ones we've ever had the pleasure of bestowing.  Grandma Capo  earned her spot on this infamous list with more than just her skills at bridge. Despite her sweet grandmotherly outside appearance, underneath lies the cold barely beating heart of one of Los Santos' most notorious criminals.  Not only does she make the best homemade chocolate chip cookies on her (cell) block, but her current list of charges includes one charge each of:          🚨   Attempted Mass Murder of a First Responder            🚨   Reckless Evading           🚨   Assault              🚨   Criminal Possession of a Firearm [Class 1]              🚨   Escape of Custody ...
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Mugshot Monday!

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  Welcome back to Mugshot Monday here at Wandering! This week's winner is one of our newest citizens, Mr. Elmer Spud . Mr. Spud was arrested for Grand Theft Auto and related crimes, but too bad our penal code has nothing in it to cover those overalls! When arrested, Mr. Spud only had two somewhat conflicting items on his person:  1 state of the art Fitbit device for those health conscious types and a human heart well on its way to becoming completely rancid, maggots and all.  Eyewitnesses reported that Mr. Spud was out on the town celebrating his new tattoo which he selected as a thank you to the folks at his favorite city service, EMS.  He now has a band-aid permanently affixed to his forehead to remind him of his friends at Pillbox Hill Medical Center who he likes to tell people saved his life. Rumors of a tramp-stamp tattoo of world famous Majik   Ice © could not be confirmed by press time. Be sure to check back next Monday for the next Mugshot Monday winner...
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$14 Costs Los Santos One of its Finest.

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  By Frasier MacLeod, Cub Reporter A roll of quarters and four wrinkled dollars were all that were to be found in an unlocked register at Rob’s Liquors on Vespucci Blvd. in the Venice area of Los Santos last night. That small sum ended up costing the lives of one of the city’s most decorated officers and sent three others to the ER with serious but survivable injuries. Just past 01:00 EST this morning, the early morning calm just blocks from the beach and historic Del Perro Pier was shattered by the sound of automatic gunfire and shotgun blasts.  Neighbors described the sounds as similar to a war zone.  We here at LifeInvader have worked through the night redesigning our publication to pay tribute to a fallen hero. At 01:04 EST the silent alarm at Rob’s Liquors was triggered. Unnamed sources within the LSPD, who have requested anonymity as they are not authorized to discuss the case, have reported that video surveillance showed 2 people inside the store. One was wearing a...
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24 Hour Crime Spree by Serial Killer Comes to Bloody End

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By Frasier MacLeod, Cub Reporter The early morning peaceful slumber of most Los Santos residents was shockingly pierced by sirens and gunfire this morning in the historic Pillbox Hills region behind the hospital. The turmoil marked the close of a dark chapter in our community's recent history. One unfortunate victim, identified on Twitter as Julie Westwood, posted a picture of herself at Legion Square mere moments before she was brutally slain. A passerby posted a picture of her body still at the crime scene less than twenty minutes later as dusk fell and the light faded.   Miss Julie Westwood in her last moments Unbeknownst to most residents, even those who were part of a lucky group of survivors, a bloodthirsty serial killer had been on the prowl hunting victims almost at will.  The first known attack attributed to the killer occurred on Monday afternoon when a female victim was discovered in Legion Square with her throat cut from ear to ear. Notes discovered around the body...
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Another Mysterious Fire Shocks Quiet Neighborhood in the Early Hours

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 Frasier MacLeod, Cub Reporter The tranquil calm on Forum Drive was shattered late last night by a three-alarm fire that authorities have now ruled arson.  As of this morning, local law enforcement agencies have joined the investigation following the discovery of two unidentified corpses that were found at the same location. Unconfirmed reports indicate the victims may have died from gunshots. Neighbors reported the blaze to 911 at approx. 11:00 pm last night relaying that the fire was behind the Car Wash. The initial responders quickly determined that the blaze was out of control and desperately called for assistance from other local departments. In all, three fire companies responded and valiantly fought the inferno for several hours.  Witnesses reported that during the worst of the battle, our own courageous Sheriff, Loki Windrunner, took over control of a fire truck when the crew was incapacitated by the smoke and charged his commandeered fire fighting vehicle straigh...
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Mysterious Fire at Blaine County Towing Under Investigation

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Frasier MacLeod,  Cub Reporter  A fire of mysterious origin ravaged parts of the Blaine County Towing shop in normally peaceful Paleto Bay last night.  A bystander reported the blaze to authorities who responded in minutes.  Through the valiant efforts of our own LSFD, the premises was saved from destruction.  However, services will be limited for some time as they repair and renovate.  Following the successful extinguishing of the blaze, firefighters located two currently unidentified individuals from the premises and brought them outside where EMS successfully treated them for life threatening injuries.  An early report that the men had gunshot wounds could not be confirmed prior to our printing deadline. There is some speculation that this could mark the beginning of a new gangland-style war between two currently unspecified factions.  Detectives from the LSPD Gang Unit were spotted on scene as well as Investigators from the Fire Dept. We will ...
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